Getting Connected

I promise not to do too many long posts, but things are a little slow right now. Plus I thought we could get to know each other a little better. 

We are gearing up for our Home Study this week and I'm nervous.  Nervous because it's been a long summer and I'm not sure with my kids just starting school this week if that's enough time to find my nice, friendly mom self who hasn't heard constant sibling bickering and requests to get them food round the clock, while juggling a heavy, grumpy almost 2 yr old who has had 6 ear infections in the last 4 months.  All this while trying to wear them out  fill their precious time off of school by going to the pool, parks, and play dates in excessive heat and humidity.  What's that I hear, the violins of sympathy playing?  Probably sounds like your life too doesn't it? I know I'm not alone in this feeling am I?  I'm also nervous because I feel like it's a reflection on me as a wife and a mother.  Are we "good enough" to be the parents of another child? Is my house kept up to par?  Do my kids answer adults respectfully?  What will my kids say about me?  I know I don't need to worry, but I still do.  I'm also pretty sure I've never heard of anyone not passing their Home Study.   (By the way it went great and I had nothing to worry about.  Forgot to post this earlier.)

While preparing for the Home Study, we are also required to read a book by one of our agencies called, "The Connected Child." Another confession and one I'm sad to admit is that this is probably the first book I've finished in 8 years.  GASP... there I said it for you.  I'm just not that into reading or I haven't found that book or series that leaves me craving more.  Now that you've picked yourself up off the floor for knowing I don't like to read, I found this book very convicting and probably in my best interest to read it this summer.  It was written mainly to prepare you for issues that arise in adopted children and an eye opener for soon to be new parents, but it was a refresher for me.  Some of the scenarios they gave sounded just like my own kids and I remember them kicking me from within so I know they haven't had a traumatic past.

I began to realize that now that my kids are at the age of playing well by themselves without much supervision, I was barely even looking them in the eye as I ran around the house getting my daily duties done.  They would beg for attention and one on one time with me by acting out or having bad attitudes because their little mommy time tanks were empty.  I would get mad, but now that I understand why, I can't blame them.  It was easy when I just had Bryce.  I could spend more time alone with him, but more kids = more work.  Poor Stacy and Jay would get bits and pieces of my time as I would drag them in the car for errands or when another sibling was at school.   I've been forgetting to acknowledge them individually, enjoying their passions with them.  Instead I was being a referee/ cook and nagging them to do certain things.  Who would want to be nice to that person?

I read how much a child, infant on up (i.e. husband), needs that personal one on one time to get connected and stay connected or they will not thrive as individuals, spouses, fathers, etc.  So true.  Gulp...I felt horrible because I wasn't even doing that now.  Sure, I would arrange their day around fun things, but all they needed was at least 15 minutes of my undivided attention.  For instance, Stacy is our party/people girl, something I am NOT.  She's been having quite the "tude" this summer and I couldn't figure out why.  So at lunch one day I turned on some oldies and we danced.  She lit up! Then Jay wanted in and I held both and we danced and then I was able to write that off as my workout.  See you can kill two bird with one stone.  All she needed was a little fun and not me just nagging and dragging her places.  Bryce on the other hand wanted to puke while we danced.   So daddy suggested he take me on a date and what better place to go than ice cream.  I never knew how many words he had and what he had been holding in all this time.  I barely said a thing.  More importantly, he felt special.  I'm still not perfect and carving out time is a work in progress, but I know it's essential for me to practice not only for my children's sake, but before we bring home our new little one.