The "Mother" Poem

I was looking for a Bible study the other day to do with a small group of women and ran across Jen Hatmaker's "Out of the Spin Cycle" book.  I love the way she writes, thinks, articulates, is not afraid to say anything, completely open, and is sold out for Christ.  She's coming to Raleigh, May 3rd and 4th to Church of the Apostles if you're in town and can make it.  Sadly I have signed up for a Marathon that weekend although my knee may be telling me I should go see her instead.  This poem she wrote expresses so many things that are true and I think you'll enjoy it as much as I do :)

A (Fairly Lame) Ode to Mothers - by Jen Hatmaker   An ode to the marvelous woman called “Mother” Though not one of us is exactly like another. From the second we’re born to the minute we die Our preferences are as limitless as stars in the sky. We might have been perfectly gracious before But childbirth entered us in the Mommy War. Rather than letting everyone else be We criticize parenting that isn’t exactly like . . . me. So once and for all let me put this to rest None of us owns the title of “best.” Natural childbirth does not make you a hippy Epidurals are not just for women who want to feel trippy. In a bathtub with a doula or in a hospital bed We all got a baby with limbs and a head. Nursing is great if nothing goes wrong But some nipples turn inward and refuse to play along. This is a choice for each mom–it’s her route So it’s just A + B and everyone else can C their way out. Schedules and timers do not make you cruel Feeding on demand does not make you a fool. In the nursery with a monitor or in the family bed Every chick gets to pick where her baby lays his head. If I see one more mom roll her eyes at “organic . . .” “Partially hydrogenated” throws some of us into panic. But neither judge Sonic burgers and fries Some of us just want to enjoy food before we die. Preschool, home school, public, or Montessori Listen, my friends, and I’ll tell you a story: Two moms differed on favorite school trends Their kids turned out pretty much the same. The end. If a girl gets the title of “mom” accidentally The worst thing we can do is treat her judgmentally. How about some love, some help, some advice? She needs our love and we shouldn’t think twice. Discipline through various methods will prevail Look, we’re all just trying to keep our kids out of jail. These things are just preferences, not right or wrong What matters more is teaching our kids to get along– To love and to share, to speak gently and kind, To obey so that mom won’t go out of her mind. Showing them Jesus is our common ground Teaching them how he can always be found. He’s present in public school and Waldorf (so trendy) He’s over at Whole Foods but also at Wendy’s. Jesus never cared about these sorts of things It’s our hearts that he wants and the worship we bring. It’s time for us moms to declare a truce Regardless if we buy Capri Sun or 100 percent juice. My way is not your way, and your way isn’t mine But both of our kids will turn out just fine. Rather than judging and looking down our noses Let’s enjoy the common ground motherhood poses. As believers, we all love the same good Lord We all have children who tell us “I’m bored.” We all need more sleep than these tiny five hours Most of us struggle to find time for a shower. We haven’t been to the bathroom alone in an age Our mothers have all told us, “Relax, this is just a stage.” We all love our babies so much we could die We’d take a bullet for each one without batting an eye. Though we are different, we’re in the same tribe Motherhood requires a similar vibe– Love and affection, sacrifice and grace Laughter, which keeps the whole mechanism in place. Though different, by the grace of God, I suspect: ALL our children will rise up and call us ... collect. She looks well to how things go in her household. ... Her children rise up and call her blessed. Proverbs 31:27—28 AMP

Real life, real kids

So when we moved to Greensboro I had to start life from scratch - new house, neighbors, church, Y, daily routine, etc.  I also had to find new friends, people that I can share life's ups and downs with.  After Kena got settled I needed to plug in somewhere so I joined MOPS (mothers of preschoolers) for the first time EVER.  I usually do a weekly Bible study but I didn't want to make any strong commitments not knowing how Kena would do.  So every other week was perfect and I landed at a great table and with a spunky group of women.  We are all at different stages but all of us deal with preschoolers.  Several of our conversations revolve around stories, experiences, fears of parenting, and DISCIPLINE.  As the one with the most kids in the group they say they love to hear my stories.  I guess it makes them feel normal.  So I thought I would share about my 4 and what life has been and is like with them.

First, I do NOT know what I'm doing most days, a lot are recently focused on survival.  Thankful for God's grace and that His mercies are new every morning.  I do get angry, I do unfortunately raise my voice yell, I do want to crawl in the corner and disappear into never never land and throw in the towel sometimes.   My attitude hasn't been the greatest either; I'm an introvert and frankly my alone time is invaded constantly and running on low.  Probably a lot of the problem.  Most of my mornings are spent wiping bottoms, feeding, breaking up sibling fights, figuring out what is making Kena cry (usually Jay), dishes, laundry, and can we please label getting all kids in a car an olympic event! 

A real life glimpse of my kids - 

Child 1 - Bryce (8) - our guinea pig, strong-willed galore, glad that he was the first when I had the most time and energy.  When almost 2 - 5 yrs old we spent most days disciplining with "the rod" a couple times a day and only occasionally do now.  Those days were long, exhausting, head-butting, heal digging kind of days if you know what I mean. Early bed time consequences seem to be more effective now.  When he was disrespectful with words, we use what we call "sassy sauce."  Went through 3 types of liquids before finding the fourth winner.  Tabasco was hot but yummy, vinegar tasted like water, soap was ok, but the Sririacha hot chili sauce....that one got a reaction.  Thankfully he only had to learn that lesson a couple times.  Consistency paid off and he has become a respectful (most days), marches to his own drum, loves the Lord, adores reptiles and animals of any kind, needs words of affirmation, watching things grow kind of child.  He will still say NO and pitch a fit to anything we say we are planning to do that day even if it's a favorite activity just to put up a fight, but we've learned to ignore it and by the time he gets there he's having fun.  We've also learned when he misbehaves now there is deeper root issue, like something happening at school or with friends.  So we ask before jumping on the discipline and that can open the door to a lot of things.

Child 2 - Stacy (6) - our sleep lover, finger sucker, fairly compliant, gets super silly when tired and has a contagious giggle....to everyone else.  We only have had to use "the rod" occasionally and it's usually from a sibling conflict.  Tabasco works just fine when she gets a little sassy which tends to occur in the late afternoon when tired because the girl could still nap if we let her.  Stacy adds a little drama to the picture, has lots of friends, gets lots of invites, needs people, high heels and twirly skirts are her love language, needs to recap her day each day and gets testy if she doesn't get in her talk time, monkey bar swinging kind of girl.  Pretty much every thing her mommy isn't except the sleep lover and well I use to swing on bars in gymnastics.

Child 3- Jay (3) - our vibrant, active, loud, fruit snack devourer, m&m's up the nose, always moving, loves to help, constantly getting into things little monkey.  When it's quiet we usually have to ask, "where is Jay?"  Otherwise the bathroom might be flooded, legos dumped everywhere, or rice krispies all over the kitchen floor.  He is LOUD and we are constantly asking him to lower his voice or be quiet.  Most stores know who we are because of some of the things they see him do.  "The Rod" is effective but he quickly forgets so we use it a few times a day.  Haven't had to use "sassy sauce" yet, but that time is coming.  I have to really make sure he does things to get his energy out.  The boy learned to ride a bike without training wheels at 2 1/2 and his longest ride so far is 10 miles.  That day he was a wee bit calmer.  He is a mama's boy and Kena's homecoming rocked his our world.  Our daily battle now is for him to be nice to her and not think of how many ways he can make her cry.  It has not gotten easier.  There are a few glimpses of hope but let's face it, they are 13 months apart...and 2 and 3 years old.  I can say I am truly exhausted by the end of the day mainly from this guy who needs my constant touch.  God knows I need a break in the afternoon so he still takes great naps.

Child 4 - Kena (2) - our happy dancer, beautiful smiler, sympathetic, jibber jabberer, swing lover, timid, strong-willed, and well.....typical 2 yr old.  She loves to be held and hop on my lap if I ever sit down, plays with dolls, fascinated by dogs and scared of Jay for good reason.  She is usually compliant and quiet when daddy is around, but seems to cry more if it's just me.  She can have quite the attitude and dig her heels in when she wants, unfortunately we've seen this 3 other times and have low tolerance for it.   "This is not new to us" is a frequently used phrase.  She loves to color, help clean, and is great at picking up toys.  She is an awesome sleeper, in fact I've never had to get up with her once since she's been home.  She loves meeting new people and is really friendly with them and says good-bye whenever she leaves somewhere about a gazillion times.  She'll also say thank you and you're welcome in the same sentence when we give her things.  Love having her in our family and can't wait to get to know more about her. 

Now that you're tired of reading so much, hopefully you have a glimpse into the lives of my 4 completely different kiddos.  Some days I love that they're different because it challenges me on how to meet 4 (5 including David) needs or how to address each of them in a way they might respond best.  Some days I hate it because I don't feel like thinking....those days just seem to get worse because I don't try.  The ONE thing I do know is that making light of things or using distractions to diffuse a situation really works best if I am the one willing to undig my heels.  My husband is GREAT at this although part of me wonders if that's because he's not around them all day.  Hmmmm....

I would love to hear your parenting highs and lows, different things about your kids or things you really have found helpful over the years.