Airing it out

I confess, I don't communicate or share details well at all.  We can also add in not accepting help.  It's a BIG weakness and sometimes I think it gives the appearance that I have it all together.  I don't like giving off that impression so here I am to air some things out that have been on my mind lately.  Brace yourself....

*  My two year old wears me out.  I've never had one like this before and there is no break from his constant curiosity.  Seriously he is the live version of Curious George.  We have so many stories to tell about his mishaps that I wouldn't know where to begin. He is also VERY loud which is embarrassing when out and about as one who worries about what others think about her.  I'm thinking God is working on me to get over that part of my personality.  Could it be because eventually I'll have a child that looks nothing like me?  I do try to keep it in perspective and know that there are lots of people that deal with much more difficult things on a daily basis.  Such as having multiples, autism, disabilities, etc.  I am fortunate, just worn out by the end of the day like every other mom.

* After driving hundreds of miles familiarizing ourselves with Greensboro, we have finally found a neighborhood we would love to be in.  The bad news is that they are homes from the 50's and the idea of a 12x12 master with a closet the size of a door does not appeal to me.  But, the price is right so most likely we will have to do another whole house renovation.   It took us 5 out of 6 years to finish our current 70's split level and we've added 2 more children to the picture.   We love character, big wooded lots, and convenience so I'm semi-ok with this idea as long as we can squeeze in a garage for my hard-working husband this time who does all the renovating. 

* It's been 18 months since we've had a family vacation.  Not that I'm counting :)  No mountains, no week at the beach,no great -grandma's, no disneyworld, natta.  I struggle watching others go on all these nice trips and get a little jealous.  Just being real, but I know we were being smart with what we have and the idea is to save for the bigger picture right now which is this adoption.  Not to mention said Curious George is extremely frightened by large furry dressed up creatures, so Disneyworld will have to wait.

*I've been feeling disconnected from or maybe disappointed by a lot of people for about 9 months now.  Thankful God has given me new friendships that have transpired within these 9 months to keep me a float.  When I take a step back I see God just preparing us to move.  Instead of being so torn from saying goodbye to long time friends, I'll be ok with it and look forward to new relationships He has in store for us.  I love the fact that facebook and watching others blogs can still keep us together.  We're still here until our house sells so let me know if you ever want to get together. 

* I dislike talking on the phone, it's awkward, I never have much to say making the other person feel awkward, therefore I love texting although I'm super slow or can't find my phone to return in a timely manner.  My husband received a new iPhone from work and I was lucky enough to receive his old one.  Besides inheriting his million and one contacts from past work, I'm loving it.  By the way I struggle on the phone with him as well; this long distance thing is not good for us. 

* I struggle with weight, always have since I was a teenager.  You're probably laughing so let me clarify.  I constantly think about it.  I know it all started in High School when one night at dinner my brother said I was fat.  Mean right, but I have him to thank because from that moment on I started paying attention to what was going in and the energy that was or was not going out.  I decided that to keep eating what I love, I had to work hard at burning some of it off.  So work outs are a priority and it makes me happy.  I am a closet Nordic Track skier.  Yep, most people know those as a clothes hanger, but I got mine for 100 bucks (thanks Dottie) about 9 years ago and use it 3 times a week on top of classes I take at the Y.  David still swears I'm the only person in the world that uses one.  I've since packed it in order to show our house and wondering if that's why I've been so edgy lately.  On a side note, I would one day love to be some type of personal trainer or teach classes to help others get healthy. 

* I am not a friendly person in the morning and quite frankly Sunday's are the worst.  That is unfortunate because it is suppose to be a happy day of rest.  Probably has something to do with the fact it's our earliest morning of the week to get to church by 8 am and I don't have time to enjoy my wake-up juice (coffee).  It also doesn't help that my oldest child requires very little sleep.  When not in school he wakes up around 5:30.  Luckily he plays by himself now, but I seem to get a better start when I'm the first one up.  I don't know why that is.  I've only been able to get up before him a handful of times in the last 7 years which is usually when he's sick.  I would love to change this about me.

* I want a minivan.  That's right you heard me.  I'm done with the clunky, gas guzzling suburban.  The space is great, but that's it.  I had a minivan back in 2006 but got rid of it to get a more gas efficient vehicle during the high gas days at that time.  So we got the least family friendly vehicle ever, a civic.  I also think I was going through an "I'm 30 now and want to look like a cool mom" phase so then I ended up with a Honda Pilot and then a Suburban.  Oh the decisions we make that I wish I could erase.  We call those stupid tax around here.  Minivans are just practical and gas efficient for larger families, so I'm done with image and moving on to practical.

* I feel like the black sheep in the Corbett family.  David, his brothers and sister are all good looking kids or at least I think they are.  My sister-in-laws are both gorgeous, skinny, and tan and then there is me....broad shouldered, pale, and freckles from head to toe.  If we are at the lake or beach together I tend to stick out like a sore thumb.  I've come to accept and love the qualities that God has given me, but I do still struggle, especially around family.  There I said it.  I'm excited and nervous to see who the youngest brother will marry - anyone around 25 interested?   

Call me crazy, messed up, or whatever you want, but thanks for letting me share and be real. I already feel better.  If anything hopefully this let's you see I'm human and struggle with a lot of the same things you might struggle with.  Oh and Happy New Year!